I don't want to jinx it (like I did last time, apparently) but there just might be a new Feature in the works. As always I'll let you know when it's all confirmed and good to go. It's pretty schweet if I do say so myself, but I'll leave you in suspense (cuz I'm a jackass)
Robert Oppenheimer, Manhattan Project Director ("I am become Death, destroyer of worlds"--stolen, but poetic) versus Fluffy ("He is the destroyer of worlds") versus Galactus ("Devourer of Worlds")
Here is the first video from the upcoming NEP album lilies of the field.
Okay, not really, but I'd like to dedicate this little happy diversion to the Spinal Tap loving Christophe der Soul Stealer. More videos (and complete back story) can be seen at the Rawker.
And now Fights I'd Like to See, Part III:
Elvis Brawl-o-Rama!
Kevin Costner as Elvis vsVal Kilmer as Elvis vsKurt Russell as Elvis vsBruce Freakin' Campbell as Elvis.
So, I'm watching television today and there's an ad (you may have seen it) for some disinfectant spray that proclaims:
Fact: Your cutting board has more bacteria than your toilet seat.
Now this is a lovely "we're gonna scare you into doing what we want" kinda thing. But the part that baffles me is the fine print that appears at the bottom of the screen:
When used as directed. Water rinse required.
Now, maybe I'm a stickler, but there's no object listed. So for all I know they're talking about the toilet seat. And then I start to think about using my toilet seat "as directed" and wondering if I've been doing it wrong all these years, because, you know, I've never done the required "water rinse".
On the flip side, the rinse part makes more sense for the cutting board, but "when used as directed"? Maybe I don't buy enough cutting boards, but I don't recall them coming with directions. Kinda like toilet paper, I would hope it's self-explanatory but apparently for either toilet seats or cutting boards (or heaven forbid, both) there are directions, and apparently the public is using them all willy-nilly. How ever shall we survive?
Fight I would like to see part II:
Paris Hilton versus Godzilla.
This isn't really fair since the idea isn't so much that I'd like to see that actual fight, instead of watching her being vaporized by the 'Zilla's atomic fire breath.
I'm going to start something. Maybe I'm alone on this but there have been multiple times I've been browsing online or watching television or just looking up at the ceiling as I'm about to fall asleep and it's occurred to me: You know, I'd love to see so-and-so fight so-and-so. So, I'm beginning the "Fights I'd like to see" bit of Bloggy goodness. Here's the first entry:
Freaky cosplay folks versus GWAR
Oh the humanity. I might even cough up money for the Pay-per-View event. What fun.
lilies of the field has been sent to the manufacturer/provider. Official release date is September 20th so the end is in sight. Cover art will be posted soon and audio samples will be available through CafePress. A couple of random snippets (B-sides, alternate mixes) will be available through the-NEP.com.
On an unrelated note, I'm starting to wonder what's going on with agents and publishers. I remember the grand ol' days when you'd adhere to their individual predilections so that, at the end of the day, they could send you your self addressed stamped envelope back to you with a lovely little form letter or card saying "thanks, but piss off..." It's the natural order. It's getting nasty-ass fries with your smooshed greasy fast food burger. It might not be the best, but it's the way its always been. It's the American way and dadgummit, we like it this way.
Now, however, apparently my query letters aren't even worth this minimum level of backhanded courtesy. Now they simply send me back my own query letter with a note scrawled on it Most of these notes are about five words long (not counting the unintelligible initials--they don't even sign their full name anymore!) and aren't even insightful. Even panhandlers asking for change get more interaction. Maybe I should just start sending letters asking for a couple bucks for the subway or something--at least then I'd have some way of defraying my expenses on this.
Remember that catchy little ASCII dancing Napoleon thing from a while back? Well, here's something both more amusing and ambitious--Star Wars (ep 4) in ASCII. It only gets about half way through, but it's still kinda cool. Launch your Telnet and enjoy.
Well, Dust (aka Platypus Man, aka Big Poppa, aka Stimpy) is going to be in my neck o' the woods. It'll be nice to have some of the runnin' crew from da ol' skool back in da hizzie. Or you know, just hanging out with a friend. Whichever you understand more clearly.
I don't know if this is real, but it is pretty boss.
Ok, this has got to be a sci-fi geek's wildest fantasy--Mr. Spock singing a song about a Hobbit.
Ironically, I'd actually heard this song before thanks to one Mr. Rex Havoc, but now I come to learn there's a video for it. I have no idea what those dancers are smoking but it must be expensive.
So here I am in the midst of another weekend and there's precious little going on. I've been doing my darndest to find something for you, my beloved Mammylings, but not so much in the success department.
Anyway, the wheels are always turning so keep the faith. It'll work out and something rockin' will come down the pipe. Promise.
So this isn't strictly "impromptu" since I wrote it a while ago, but I did write it in an impromptu writing session, so it's just a little past the "Best if used by" date...
"When did you stop remembering?"
It was a simple sentence: part question, part statement, part indictment.It's not a question that is asked if things are going well.She looks at you, something cloudy and hurt behind her eyes expecting a response.You reflect on the question.It's a funny question when you roll it over in your mind: tell what time it was when you stopped remembering what's important.It seems unlikely to you that if you'd forgotten these deep personal truths about her, that you'd have the presence of mind to keep a record of losing that moment.It seems like keeping the index to an encyclopedia set you no longer own.
She's not interested in irony, though.She wants an answer even though you can tell there's no answer that will make her feel any better.She thinks that she's hit rock bottom with this, but you know that this conversation will only succeed in proving to her that she's wrong.There's always a little more pain, humiliation and self-loathing somewhere and it always starts with a question.
You try and smile and reassure her that things aren't as bad as all that--that there's a silver lining here... somewhere.You try and explain to her what you yourself don't understand--that people change even when they don't feel like they have.You tell her that it's evolution--that your little amoeba of a relationship is turning into a salamander and that it's progressing towards something and not away from some point.
But then it strikes you: when did you stop remembering?Was there really anything to remember in the first place or were you both just continuing a lie that you agreed on or both so hoped would be true that perhaps you could will it to be so.Maybe Vonnegut was wrong: maybe you aren't what you pretend to be but you're always flirting with becoming what you're afraid you might be.
She's grown solemn.Her face has become stony and cold.The conversation is all but over now.She'll agree with anything you say now and nod stiffly.She's convinced that this disaster is her doing and she's trying to take responsibility for it--she'll be the better person even if no one needs redemption.You'd like to be able to allay her concerns, to give relief to her, but this is her cross to bear and she'll kick your ass if you try to take it from her.
Maybe this is what you were supposed to remember: that you swore that you'd never be here again, that you'd never watch that grey despair cross another person's face.Maybe you were going to remember the signs and when to just leave and let someone's self-destruction be their concern and not your problem.You were going to let the world take care of itself for a while and try not to control the weather and make every rainy day shine.
Or maybe you just stopped remembering that deep down, you are an asshole; that deep down you enjoy antagonizing the wasps in other peoples' hives and watching the chaos unfold.You like the wash of power that knowing that this storm of fury and wailing is your doing--that you can make someone care about you enough to reduce themselves to this at your departure.
So much to remember and nothing to hold on to.And now she's gone.She says she won't call anymore and you're left fiddling with your napkin hoping that the waitress would bring a refill for your coffee.
You're almost out of artificial creamer, too.
-Joe
BTW, I'm not a huge pro-Football fan (Go Colts) but some things are priceless. To crybabies making a kajillion dollars a year. This is for you...
Every now and then I make the mistake of perusing my Junk E-Mail filter. Most recently I found this little beaut that started out:
We have learned from the Internet that you are interested in tents. We have been in the tent manufacturing business for many years and are currently in the process of expanding and our customer base. We are quite excited about contacting you and the potential for establishing friendly business relations with you as well as sharing the mutual benefits.
Tents? I've never spoken aloud that I have an interest in tents, let alone commit it to writing or posting. Moreover, I don't know anyone else who has either. This is the worst selling line ever. This is like me wandering into the dressing room at a Victoria's Secret photo shoot and saying "Hey, I heard on the radio that you ladies were wanting to check out my sexy ass..."
Well, news is slow in coming. I know, not worthy of an entry, but still, I like talking with all of you *cue Mr Rodger's music*
Anyway, ever wonder what would happen if the USSR hadn't collapsed and the US/NATO nations were the ones to lose? Well, here is what the Beastie Boys would look like in that universe:
Wanted to pass this on. It's pretty nifty. It's a Flash music video that uses your local meteorological information to play out. A few bugs since, apparently, I now live in Aberdeen SD (!?!) but it's still pretty cool. Watch, listen and enjoy...
Of course I wasn't in the audience (insert rimshot)
It was okay I suppose. I didn't have any forewarning on the audience (majority was 60+) or size (as in number of people, not their collective builds...). Needless to say the "Joe Mammy Experience" is probably not most at home in this setting. But it did get a few laughs (I chose "A Fairy Tale" which is available for absolutely free in the Fiction area...) so apparently my humor is neither as subtle nor as unfunny as it could have been. So, you know, that's something.
Now I'm relaxing, watching a little "Flying Circus" and digesting my Arby's dinner. And the Devil Pups are sacked out. It's almost picturesque, would probably be moreso if it were winter and there was a fireplace. Of course I'd be probably wanting a bit of brandy and bellyaching that I'm freezing my butt off. No pleasing some people I suppose.
Well, sorry for the lack of updatey-ness. Not much happening (I know, I'm aghast too...) other than waiting. Got a brutal case of writer's block and a reading upcoming (details forthcoming...) so, you know, that's always a good sign.
I finally got my iPod mini--yes, yes, I'm a culture whore. Surprisingly it hasn't changed my life and made me wonder how I ever got by without it, but I am dancing around in silhouette like a madman, so there's that. The other upshot is that I ran across the new Paul Anka album. Yes, I said Paul Freakin' Anka. Pretty underwhelming, but his cover of Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" is nothing short of epically hilarious. Worth the 99 cents from iTunes, trust me.
And if you do this, then it might be a sign that your marriage is in trouble.
Anyone catch the Cards game last night? I about crapped myself when lil David Eckstein launched that sucker. Twas a thing of beauty.
I'd kill for a steak.
Of course, theoretically I wouldn't have to kill a person for a steak, just a cow. Unless that person were acting as a human shield for the cow. That would be kinda wild, huh?
I don't know what's with the Radiohead influence subject headings. So, anyway, not much to update, at this point the next Feature is still supposedly in the works, more when its "official" and other than that, just waiting on a few tidbits for lilies of the field info. In other words, hang tight and may your patience be rewarded.
I got this bit of goodness from JP, hope it makes you smile:
A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us." My goodness gracious!" said the teller, "And will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fucking sheet rock..."
It's Tuesday afternoon, it's hot and suddenly I have to choose between "For a Few Dollars More" and "Brazil" on the telly. Life is so unfair sometimes.
In case you missed it, Family Guy had a beaut a couple weeks back...
Regular visitors will know and appreciate the Napoleon Jedi bits we've been doing here on the Blog. In that spirit, a little bit o' goodness.
No big updates at this point. Perhaps JP will actually see her mention on the blog this time, but it's hard to say.
Watching "Mighty Aphrodite" right now. What ever happened to Woody Allen? He used to be so consistent and so good. Oh well, even his substandard stuff is better than anything Michael Bay has ever committed to film for a fraction of the cost.
Paris Hilton versus Godzilla.
