There are two way to look at a lot of things.

Way #1) Why does life keep f*cking with me?

Way #2) I could really go for some pie right about now.

If I were hungry, way #2 would be much easier, but I will not succumb to option #1, no siree.

I could simply say that the Cards have lost three in a row and someone needs to take the blame and that, for some reason, hip-hop acts (plural--and who will not be named) seem to go out of their way to irritate me. Or that, frankly, life doesn't go the way I think it should nor as fast as it ought. But instead I will simply look in the mirror, take a deep breath and sing, sing, sing...

I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day.

MOUNTIES: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees. I eat my lunch. I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered scones for tea.

MOUNTIES: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch. He goes to the lavatory. On Wednesdays he goes shopping And has buttered scones for tea. He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees. I skip and jump. I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing And hang around in bars.

MOUNTIES: He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps. He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing And hangs around in bars?!He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees. I wear high heels, Suspendies, and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, Just like my dear Papa.

And there you have it--the guide to zen-like peace in one easy step. And in case you don't believe me I'm about to change font size to make my point:

You can't argue with that. Do you see how much larger it is than everything else? It's even bolded and centered. News doesn't come any bigger than that, I assure you. Tune in over the next coupla days and you too will be privy to the biggest bit of happiness out of Joe-Mammy.com in a right while.

-Joe