You know, I can't make this stuff up even if I really tried.

First, I see the ad on tv telling me that my kids(!?!) need to know that I have a plan in case of a terrorist attack. Now warning children not to take candy from strangers, to look both ways before crossing the street or not to eat yellow snow is practical, hands-on and helpful information. Giving them steps to deal with an angry jihadist, well, not so much. So, I check out the governments website on the subject.

Now the site is pretty straightforward, uninspiring and dull--a good old fashioned government website. But at the bottom they feature a link to FEMA for Kids. What I found there will be a cornucopia of laughing material for years to come. Children are greeted by their host, a hermit crab (please, no laughing or knowing ironical nods until after the presentation is complete...) who invites the kiddies to check out, among other things states currently receiving disaster assistance, what to do in case of a national security emergency (terrorist attack) that included a couple of medicated looking children happily skipping their way through a story about terrorism (below), a rap done by what sounds like an office temp, and the Disaster Math game--combining fear of disaster and attack with the fear of academic failure.



What is wrong with people? Like developing Robbie and Julia the morphine twins is going to help kids understand the unexplainable? I'm sure they mean well but what do they hope to accomplish by explaining to children what a "dirty bomb" is? We might as well sit 'em down with a 1/5 of Jack, a pack of Marlboro Red's and a stack of porn and abolish childhood as soon as possible at this rate. It's funny and it's sad all at the same time. All we need now is to return the old "duck and cover" drills in public schools and we've pretty much regressed 50 years. Who still likes Ike? I know you're out there...

BTW, "Shaun of the Dead" kicks ass.

-Joe