(Truly, no--I do but jest.)

I say to you: Be kind to the animals, for they, too, have souls, which might be damned to eternal hellfire, should they be provoked, into eating you or parts of you, so sayeth the Creator.

And I say to you: Do not hold grudges against thy neighbor for his past transgressions, for one day you might wish to borrow from him his lawn mower.

And finally: If you look at the world and see only darkness, fear not, for the Lord shall guide you across the street, and down a man hole.

Amen.